10.1.0 Friendships
Louisiana Statewide Transition Project and Louisiana: Healthy and Ready to Work Fact Sheet Series
	1/4/99

I. WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, a sense of belonging is necessary before an individual can develop self-esteem (characterized by achievement, skill, recognition, and respect) and self-actualization (characterized by inner ability, fulfillment, and creativity). Thus, young adults must have a sense of belonging and feel good about who they are before they can begin to master skills necessary to achieve success as adults. Most people find their sense of belonging through families, friends, and community involvement. For young adults transitioning from school to adult life, relationships outside of their families are important because they help them learn about and practice adult roles, offer opportunities for reciprocal giving and taking, and provide a respite from sometimes stressful adult and family responsibilities.

II. KEY POINTS

Most adults know hundreds of people through their networks of family, work, neighbors, churches, social clubs, and professional associations. In each of these networks, relationships develop over time and repeated interactions. Adults use these networks to identify people to join them in a tennis match, to accompany them to a favorite restaurant, to join them in a carpool to and from work, and to listen when family members or work situations create stress. Although individuals with disabilities are increasingly working and living in their communities and participating in community activities, they often do not form the number and type of relationships other adults take for granted. Too often their relationships are limited to their immediate families and paid human services staff. In many cases, only other adults with disabilities are identified as friends. All young adults need and will benefit from having a rich array of people in their lives - family members, neighbors, church members, co-workers, and paid service providers.

During the transition planning years, as young adults prepare to leave behind their network of classmates and school-focused activities, many young adults with disabilities will need assistance in developing adult friendships. While family members, teachers, and other service providers can not guarantee friendships between young adults, they can arrange occasions for young people to get to know one another. They can also model the social and physical behaviors that support the growth of friendships between people with and without disabilities.

III. ROLES/NEXT STEPS

Students/Young Adults:

Young adults can do many things to increase their social circles as they prepare to exit high school. You should identify things you like to do. Ask others (e.g. classmates, co-workers, neighbors, and church members) if they enjoy these same interests. Ask those who do to join you in the activities.

You can also sign up for activities in school and in the community that provide repeated opportunities to enjoy these interests. For example, monthly photography club meetings or a weekly swimming class will offer more opportunities to meet people and to develop relationships than a one-time visit to a photography exhibit at a museum or attendance at a swimming competition. You should also show interest in others and their feelings. Ask people what you can do to help them. In other words, give and accept help from the people in your life. For example, you may need transportation assistance from your co-workers, but you may also be able to pet-sit when your co-worker goes on vacation.

Families:

There are a number of things family members can do to help young adults develop friendships. Families may want to create a home environment that attracts young people. Invite your family members' classmates, church group members, or club members to hold a function at your family home. Encourage young adults with whom you have relationships to spend time with your family members in a reciprocal manner. For example, remind another young adult that your family member has seen all the most recent videos several times and might have a suggestion for a weekend rental choice.

Families can also observe places where other young people "hang-out", noting the activities they enjoy, trends in clothing, music, hairstyles, etc. Provide subscriptions to young adult magazines for your family member with a disability. Help him or her review and talk about the trends. Families who know these things can help their son or daughter to "fit in." Families should also encourage the young adult to sign up for community groups and activities that involve other young people his or her same age. It may be necessary to provide assistance, if needed, to help the young adult to reach out to others. For example, help your family member make a phone call, invite friends over, provide transportation to the local mall or other "hang-outs", or invite peers on a family outing. Families can also encourage friendships by assuring the young adult has a typical routine, school day and lifestyle. These provide repeated opportunities for meeting other people.

Another strategy for facilitating friendships is to ask other young adults how they can help your family member participate in activities - even if the participation is only partial. Minimize adult presence and intervention in day-to-day activities. Let the young adult be directly involved with other young people without an adult always being present. However, families should ensure the young adult is involved and visible in neighborhood and community activities. Families can identify a role in which the young adult can be successful, using his or her interests and strengths in different settings. When help is needed developing ideas for expanding relationships for the young adult, seek assistance from other young adults, teachers, family friends, and siblings.

Agencies:

Most young adults develop friendships through school activities. Teachers and other school personnel can help young adults with disabilities develop friendships by infusing the positive values of cooperation, respect and appreciation of everyone's individuality into all aspects of the curriculum. Activities that are cooperative rather than competitive are preferred. Teachers can identify and support budding relationships between students with disabilities and their classmates. This information should be provide to family members so they may encourage opportunities for the students to get together outside of school.

School personnel should find ways for students to spend time together. Provide opportunities, accommodations, and support for students with disabilities to have access to all classroom and other school activities. Each student's strengths and contributions should be emphasized to both classmates and adults in the school. Students should be involved in making decisions about classroom and school-level policies. This can be facilitated through role-playing typical social interactions using students both with and without disabilities. Teachers should talk with young adults about school and community activities they might be interested in and provide any assistance needed to help them participate. Share this information with parents so they can support their son or daughter in participating. If the student is not sure about choosing an activity, encourage him or her to try several activities to find out what he or she might be interested in doing.

Adult service agency personnel can also facilitate the development of friendships by helping individuals with disabilities have more people in their work and community lives. An important role for adult service personnel is that of "community connector". This role differs from teaching people new skills and providing basic supports because it identifies opportunities for repeated interactions and models appropriate social and physical interactions that encourage reciprocity.

IV. RESOURCES/CONTACTS

Families Helping Families Resource Centers have various materials available that describe strategies to develop friendships. The staff in the centers may also be able to share their personal experiences in helping their family member develop friendships.

Families Helping Families

Acadiana: 800-378-9854

Bayouland: 800-331-5571

At the Crossroads: 800-259-7200

Greater Baton Rouge: 888-511-5299

Greater New Orleans: 800-766-7736

Northeast LA: 888-300-1320

Northshore: 800-383-8700

Northwest LA: 888-735-3722

Southwest LA: 800-894-6558

The PEAK Parent Center, Inc. in Colorado has several publications on encouraging friendships. To receive a list of their publications contact them at 6055 Lehman Drive, Ste. 101 Colorado Springs, CO. 80918, Phone (719-531-9400), Fax (719-531-9452).

V. REFERENCES

Schaffner, Beth, Buswell, Barbara. (1997, July). Inherently Equal: An Inclusion Action Guide for Families and Educators. Colorado Springs, CO.: PEAK Parent Center.

Communitas Inc. (1990). Friends: A Manual for Connecting Persons with Disabilities and Community Members. Manchester, CT.: Gunnars & Campbell Publisher Inc.

Communitas Inc. (1992). How Parents Can Help Children Develop Friendship. Manchester, CT.: Gunnars & Campbell Publisher Inc.